Friday, May 8, 2009.

im so inconsequential.

musicfest was so great but somehow it left me feeling like the piece of shit i should be feeling like. all the performers were so good and talented and i cant help feeling this "what am I good at" feeling. I honestly cannot find a single thing i excel in, and if VJ is a school which appreciates and develops your talents, what happens if i dont have one?

see, this is up for a specific reason. its perhaps an explanation of why i act a certain way sometimes, be it jealous or indifferent. Its because i really feel i dont match up to and deserve the people in my life and also to the circumstances.

I am my own biggest barrier and im tired of trying to be what I am not, or cannot be. I know who will say I cant give up like this but, look at me and look how I've tried. Maybe I'll be back stronger, but I cant say now.

Its like God gave me the best a human can have, and I am the one screwing everything up because Im so lousy.

{ 11:59 PM }

nonsense.

links here

memories.

March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009

thanks.

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